An Unofficial Goodbye

Some people come into our lives and quickly go.  Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same.  

Flavia Weedn

It seems like just yesterday that I arrived in Arusha. It seems like just yesterday that I fought with my mosquito net for the first time, killed 100 crazy bugs, and woke up to the erratic rooster next door. It all seems like just yesterday…and now I’m packed and leaving in a couple of hours. I don’t know at what point this all happened but, I fell in love here. I fell in love with life and nature, and finding beauty in everything. I thought that I was ready to go, but yesterday I realized that I’m not. Yesterday I had the chance to go on a safari to the Ngorongoro Crater, which is a conservation area for atleast 25,000 animals. Not many people living in Tanzania have the opportunity to see this area, so I am very grateful that I experienced it. Driving in our car we saw lions, zebra, elephants, wildebeests, hippos, and much more. At one point we stopped for a break to stretch, and zebra walked right in front of us. Not many people in life get to experience this, so I wanted to share it with you. I was in awe of the beauty that was right before me. I wasn’t thinking of anything but the moment that I was living in, taking in each breath with thanks to God.

I’m going home now, and sad to leave Tanzania. This has been the experience of a lifetime, and I won’t let this goodbye be the last. In just six weeks I’ve grown as a person. I’ve learned so much about people, and myself. The world is at my fingertips, and I don’t want to let it go. I know this is a short blog post, but I am heading to the airport soon, ready to conquer the 24 hours of flying ahead of me. I’m so thankful for this trip, and welcoming the journey ahead of me. I’m thankful for parents that supported me on this adventure, and all the friends and family that gave me encouragement. I fell in love with Tanzania, and it doesn’t end here…

Fall in love, and do it over and over again.

xx

If youre happy and you know it....

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

Budda

 You know, I thought I knew what happiness was, how to gain it, and keep it in my life. For some time I had thought that certain things would make me happy, like my iPhone, apartment, or the BMW that I don’t own yet. A voice in my head would whisper,

“You will really be living your life and become happy after you have all that you want and everything is in order…”

At the moment I am shaking my head at this confession. Let me express what I’m learning about real happiness…

I find happiness here in the woman that I see every day walking down the street with about 30lbs of bananas balancing on her head.  I see happiness in the man sweeping the dirt on the already dirt-road because he is proud of who he is and what he has. Happiness is in the Rastafarian that makes a living selling bracelets that people like me buy for less than a dollar. I want to cry when I see happiness shining on the face of a street child that probably owns nothing more than the clothes that she is wearing on her back. Until now, I have not shared what I see every day here in Arusha. I see people that are proud, strong, and joyful in the lives that they live. However, these people have almost next to nothing. The other day I asked my friends Baraka and Tosh if they were happy. Their responses surprised me…

“I’m happy with the life that I live. People ask me why I laugh, because I have nothing, but I’m happy- the same as a rich man. He has money but he may be sad…. I don’t have much but I’m happy. There is no better life than the life I live.”

In Arusha, happiness is not in the things that you own, nor is it through money. All of the riches in the world cannot buy happiness. I’ve come to realize that all that I think that I need, I really don’t. They are not what bring me joy. As I pass through each day here I find that I get happiness in the small things in life, like a butterfly resting before me, the sun on my skin, or the stars shining at night. I find joy in hearing my mother laugh, singing to Whitney Houston in front of the mirror, and the smell of summer rain. These things bring me real pleasure, and nobody can take them away from me. Moments like these are blessings from God, who is the center of all my joy.

I will never have everything I want. My life will never be in order….and so what. This is the first time I’ve said “so what” to un-organization of my life, and I don’t care. I’m graduating in December and I have absolutely no idea what comes next, but rather than dwelling on that, I’m going to enjoy today. It’s my last Saturday in Arusha, so I’m not going to worry about tomorrow, because it’s inevitable- the sun will still rise whether I am ready for it or not. People here don’t worry about the future. Tosh told me the other day, “The rain will come when it comes…so, I’m not going to bother worrying about it today.”

Happiness is a treasure that everyone needs. My life is not perfect, and nothing near it, but I’m going to be happy. I don’t look like Angelina Jolie, but I’m going to be happy with who I am. Today, though I am sick and wrapped up in a blanket, I’m going to smile and be happy- and nothing less than. Tanzania taught me that. I hope you enjoy the pictures I am posting. The moments captured are times that brought me the most joy here. I find joy in the little things.

Until next time…

xx

 

 

 

Learning to Live

 One of the most tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living.

We are all dreaming of some magical rose garden over the horizon instead of enjoying the roses

that are blooming outside our windows today.

Dale Carnegie

Hello. I know it’s been a long time since I have blogged. To be quite honest, I’ve felt as if nothing worth reading has happened lately. My thoughts aren’t all that exciting to read—in my opinion. I have not hit any cyclists with a bus, I haven’t hiked to the top of a mountain, nor have I encountered any strange and mysterious bugs lately. However, through encouragement from a couple of friends, I am sitting at my laptop trying to weave words, thoughts, and emotions together… so here goes.

I have exactly ten days left in Arusha.  It’s crazy to think that I just got here, and now I am leaving. After realizing the short amount of time that I have left the “could’ shoulda’ woulda’” thoughts began running through my mind, accompanied by regrets and wishes. I feel as if a majority of my life has been ruled by these types of thoughts. When I was 12 I couldn’t wait to be 20. When I got to college I couldn’t wait till I graduated. I have spent nights staring at my ceiling dreaming about what was in my future, wishing I could live that life now. These thoughts came to a halt one summer afternoon when I was sitting with one of my best friends Breana Pugh. Reading through the journal notes of her grandmother Bessie Pugh, one of the greatest women to walk this earth, she came across Nana Pugh’s thoughts about life. She said that people needed to live in the “now” and enjoy every moment. There is no sense in worrying about what needs to be done in the future because you will deal with it when it comes. When you are with friends, live in the moment with them. Don’t let your mind wander to all the things that you should be doing. Today and right now is what matters. This life-changing moment only happened last year. Bessie Pugh has inspired this blog today.

I have ten days left. Ten days to grow, ten days to learn. Ten days to smile at every person I see on the street, and ten more days to fight a mosquito net, cold showers, and crazy drivers. For all those wondering if I am homesick- yes. I am desperately homesick. I miss my mother, my sisters and brothers, friends, church family, and macaroni and cheese. I miss Yana’s 615 and all of the wonderful people I work with there. I miss the West Texas stars and long summer nights. This list could go on and on. However, I am learning to live in the right-now moments, I can’t let them escape me because I will never get them back. Thank you all for your encouragement while I have been here. It’s been a wonderful journey, and it’s not over yet. If I am able to, I plan to blog every day before I leave. With that said this message is coming to an end.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that we are always getting ready to live, but not living. I don’t want my life to be composed of dwelling in the past because each day is a blessing. The picture below is from my safari to Arusha National Park this past weekend. When I looked out at the water the only feeling I had was thankfulness. I was thankful for the moment that I could enjoy. It was a moment that God blessed me with. I am thankful for a wonderful today, and pray that God allows me to see a beautiful tomorrow.   Till then…

xx

Second Adventure: Hiking to Kilimanjaro...With a Few Bumps In-Between

"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature. Life is either a grand adventure or nothing"                               

-                                                                                                                                         

          Helen Keller

Who knew Hellen Keller had such great quotes? To be direct, she completely summarizes my Saturday spent here in Tanzania. Until Saturday, my trip was easy going and not too stressful. People have been very nice, I felt secure with my surroundings, and I have not worried too much. However, Saturday presented a different story. Before I tell you all about my adventure, I would like to apologize to my mother for not giving her the complete details of my weekend---Mom, I really did not want to worry you, I’m sorry.  Where do I even begin…..

Its 7am. It is raining outside. I am freezing, yet still going hiking. Today we planned to hike to the base of Mt. Kilimanjaro with our friends Baraca and Tosh. And yes, I cant believe I am hiking once again. As I get dressed I make sure to not put on my stupid Keds. Thankfully my friend let me borrow her tennis shoes to help me not slip again. Before leaving my room I say a quick prayer,

             “God, please, please, please don’t let me break any bones today. Amen.”

As we pile into our rented bus we realize how much personal space we don’t have …but that’s all part of the adventure. Its 8am, off we go.

I try to sleep on the bus ride, but it is literally impossible. With terrible roads and drivers, there was no way I could keep my eyes closed. As I listen to my music and peer out the window I see the busy surrounding city begin to fade. I felt as if I was driving in Texas….except things were green and not brown. With the “familiarity” of the area I almost felt like I was at home…this feeling did not last long. After driving for some time we all of a sudden pulled over. A policeman arrives at the window and orders the driver out of the car. At this point my nerves were shaken. The police walk around the bus, looking as if they were not going to let us continue.  Then I saw something I have never seen done at home.  The driver and his partners jump out of the bus to pay off the police officer. After some time of talking, and enough money, the police let us continue on our way.

I could not believe that had happened to us. The police pulled us over for no crime, just to get money. After I calmed down and we continued driving I thought that the rest of the trip would be easy going. Wrong. We drove into a crowded town filled with street side vendors and busy people. All of a sudden I hear something hit our bus on the side I was sitting on, and red fly into the air. We hit a biker. Everyone in the bus had a unanimous look of shock and fear on our faces. I could not believe we just hit a man with our bus. I was too scared to look behind me, too frightened to speak. I wanted to cry, I wanted to move and help, but I was frozen with terror.

Finally, after what had seemed to be ages of silence, somebody realizes that the biker was perfectly fine and had run away. After hearing this news I wanted to have a praise break! I could not believe the biker had absolutely nothing wrong with him!! Though everything was okay, matters had to be settled, so we were stuck sitting in the bus until everything was worked out.

Back home, in a situation such as this, we would call the police, file a report, exchange insurance, be confronted by the ambulance, and be on our way. Well…things did not go quite in this order. There were no police to help. There was no way to file a report, and there was definitely no insurance company receiving our claim. It was our bus against an entire town of people. For a lengthy period of time the crowd talked about whose fault it was: biker vs. bus. During this time I witnessed the following:

1.       A man walking around with an ax trying to talk to us

2.       A teenage boy singing Justin Bieber’s “Baby” song perfectly

3.       A drunk man talking about visiting our houses in America

4.       An old woman with a machete attempting to talk to a friend in the bus

5.       A young man that got hit by a bus going at least 40-50 miles an hour walking around as if he was never hit: a miracle.

Finally, we were allowed to leave this area of adventure and continue on our journey, with a few stops in between. After our long ride we arrived to our destination: Mt. Kilimanjaro. Due to the rain, we could not see the mountain very well, so I did not get pictures. However, we did visit another waterfall and the Chagga village, climb into a cave, see some adorable kids, and visit the Kilimanjaro gift shop.

On our way down to see the waterfall I was very careful to not fall. Success. The railing was made of bamboo in order to not fall. It was amazing to see people use the resources around them to build and survive.

After finally reaching the waterfall I was just glad to not be hurt in any way. The group wanted to get a closer look at the waterfall, however I declined. I decided that because it was cold I did not want to take my chances and get wet. I was content sitting on a bench and waiting for the group. After everyone was gone, the drivers of the bus made me go see the waterfall. They said it would be a sight that I wouldn’t regret. I had no way out of their urgencies. As I am on the path, hopping rocks on the river, I got to a part in the river that I knew had the potential to take me down. Here is the dialogue of the next 35 seconds:

Bus Driver: It’s okay, jump! I’ve got you!

Taylor: Uhhhhh, that looks REALLY slippery. I don’t think you’ve got me!

Bus Driver: (rolls eyes) Yes, yes, yes, you’re fine! Come on!

Taylor: Uhhhh…fine. (uncertainty building inside)

*Taylor leaps from her rock of safety into the arms of the bus driver…..then feel his arms not catch her, and the water engulf her. After Taylor falls into the water, the bus driver grabs her arms, falling into the water as well.*

I don’t think I need to explain any further about how bitter and angry I became in a short 35 seconds….  And sure, the waterfall was sort of cool. My drenched skirt may have ruined its “majesty” for the 2 seconds that I looked at it.

After the waterfall we hiked back up the slippery slope to visit the exhibit of the Chagga village life. We sat inside the smallest hut I have ever seen, saw the weapons and ways of the tribe, and were on our way. 

Amongst the adventures of the day I also had to use a squat toilet to use the restroom. For those of you who have no idea what that is let me enlighten you. It’s a hole in the ground. No toilet, no water, no comfortable toilet paper, just a hole in the ground where you squat. Let me just say that I am not a pro at squatting. I had a difficult time doing this, and I have never appreciated a toilet seat so much.

After our visit to the gift shop we were on our way back home…or so I thought. We had to find a shop to get our bus repaired after the accident, and wait for the biker to come and bring money. Quite a bit of the day consisted of waiting. On our drive back we got stopped by the police yet again, and paid the crooked cops off yet again. However, despite all of these mishaps I had so much fun. On the ride back I taught my friend Tosh how to play rock, paper, scissors, starring eye contest, we arm wrestled, and had foreign language lessons for one another. It was interesting and fun learning from someone of a completely different culture, especially with the language barrier between us. 

Life is truly an adventure, and while in Africa I am trying to make the most of it. Though the day did not go “as planned”, what does in life? I am not a creature of change, therefore this trip is helping me to grow and experience different things. I am learning to go with the flow, and that I am really not in control. I’m letting go. I’m surrendering. To end this long blog post I leave you with my favorite quote by Erwin McManus:

                 

      "To live a life that takes your breath away, you have to be willing to get winded."

xx

Cradle of Love

"There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread." 

-Mother Teresa

 They say that love makes the world go around; no matter how bad things can be….I have been thinking about this one for a while. As I type this message my heart is pounding. I would like to be transparent with you and let you walk into my life for the few minutes you will be reading this. This year has been the best, yet, hardest year of my life thus far. I have had many, many good times. I met new people and became very close to them, yet lost some great things in my life. God’s timing really is perfect. I was hurt this semester, and it came by surprise. I felt as if I had lost a part of my heart, or more like it had been ripped away from me, and I wasn’t ready for that. I was confused on what love was. How can people take love, this gift that we search for in life, and hurt someone with it? After many weeks of thinking, frustration, and silence, I got on my knees and had to pray to God. I was desperate for God to intervene in my life and show me His love. More than ever, at that moment, I knew that God’s love is not like any love of this world. It is endless, and truly pure. His love is perfect….   

I yelled out loud to God,

“I don’t care about anything else right now, I need you right away!!!”

With tears streaming down my face, my knees buried in the carpet, I sat in silence. There was nothing more important to me at that moment. Peace surrounded me, and love wrapped me in His arms….

Now, let’s fast forward to this past Friday, June 17^th. A few other girls and I from the study abroad group visited an orphanage to volunteer. Prior to this visit, I had never been around an orphanage of any sort, let alone a group of children. With that said, I did not know what to expect. Well, scratch that. I had the assumption that the orphanage would be what we have all seen on t.v. about the kids in Africa: starving children with flies attacking them. Thankfully, this was not the case.

As we pulled up to the orphanage, I was amazed at how beautiful it was. We were greeted by Davona Church, director of the Cradle of Love orphanage. 

At the time of our arrival the toddlers had just woken up. As soon as they saw our group they came running to greet us. I’ve never seen a child so excited. They were beautiful children who didn’t realize the reality of their situation. They appeared to be helpless, but they weren’t. Love was holding them.

As we continued on our tour of the orphanage we got to see more of the kids, and met the daughters of the director. I believe the youngest was named Mariah, and she was so very precious. This little girl was about 4 or 5 years old and was taking care of all the children. She knew all 48 names and treated them each with such care. I have never, ever seen a child care for anything like this little girl did. It was truly amazing. It touched my heart when I saw her wipe the tears off of a little boys’ face and calmed him.

               

“Why are you crying?” she said, “Its okay. Everything will be okay…”

Love, it’s a gift to us. I will never understand how a parent can love their child, and then abandon them. Maybe there was no love there at all. I will never understand God’s love for us; graceful, merciful, beautiful. But I do know one thing. Love does exist, and it is alive and working.  I saw love at the orphanage. I saw love manifest itself amongst a group of toddlers, each caring for one another. No matter how big or how small, love abides. No matter how weak we are, the heart of love still beats, giving us hope.  

xx